Mashy Niblicks

When I started this blog, it contained the sum total of all the knowledge of mankind. Unfortunately, each time I add a posting, a small amount is subtracted from that sum. Oh well. Can't be helped. What-uh-ya-gonna-do? The Doctor... By the way, the following are the conventional definitions of Mash-y Nib-lick: 1) light kisses on the neck from an unwanted suitor; 2) strained peas.

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Location: Shingle Springs, CA, United States

The title "Doctor" was conferred upon me by associates who understand that I have at least some knowledge about… well… everything. My knowledge isn’t as deep though, as it is wide. I don’t know a lot about anything in particular. In fact, you could make the case that I know almost nothing about just about everything! And, I’m willing to talk about it. To anyone. Whether they’re interested or not. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it. I can write about philosophy because I’m a Philosopher. After considerable research, I discovered that in order to be a philosopher, one only has to place the word “Philosopher” after one’s name. That’s it. Voila, you are a bona fide philosopher. Who’s going to argue? Philosophers don’t have some magic wand or secret handshake. They just call themselves philosophers. So, should you wish to know a little – about anything – just say the word. I’ll Google that word and be able to discuss it with you ad nauseam. S. Arthur Yegge, Philosopher syegge@gmail.com

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Range Finder Binoculars

Every time I come across an ad for one of those range finders, I can't help but wonder if they would help my game. Every distance looks like 150 yards to me. It could be 6,000 yards or 7 feet and it still looks like 150 yards to the pin.

Remember back when you first started golfing and someone would ask, "How far are we out?" Someone would invariably say, "Oh, it must be at least 190." I remember thinking at the time, "What possible value could that tidbit of information have for anyone playing golf. I'm going to hit my five iron 150 yards into the drink and dig out another ball - as usual. I could hit my two iron, or my seven iron, and the ball will travel the same 150 yards. It's just that one would go left and the other to the right. So, I'll hit my five, again."

It wasn't until much, much later that I realized each club was associated with a distance. What a concept! Who would have thought!?

I get caught up in the hype for these range finders, though. I mean, look at that Bushnell Yardage Pro Elite 1500. 100% waterproof; multicoated optics (whatever the heck that means, but it sounds cool); scan multiple targets with pinpoint accuracy. And, what accuracy! Plus or minus 1 yard out to 1500 yards! I would be a veritable cornucopia of information out on the course. "190 yards? Oh, no, no, no, Bob. It's actually more like 187 yards, 2 feet, 9 and 1/4 inches from the front of your ball to the center of the cup." (sniff) But, there are two issues which keep me from buying one of these techno-units.

The first is that I never see them on the tour. Maybe they're illegal. I haven't looked it up. But, even Vijay Singh shanks one out left of the foul pole into the cheap seats once in the awhile. It's hard to get your bearings from out there behind the caddy shack. And, when he next lobs one into the sand on the far side of the green, you never hear him say, "Man, I wish we would've pulled out the ol' Bushnell Yardage Pro Elite 1500 ahead of time on that one." It just doesn't happen.

The other reason I don't buy one is that I would need one that was calibrated in furlongs or miles. I get along fine right now out on the course with my sextant and a good compass.

Oh well. I'll just hit my five iron 150 yards into the drink and get out another ball...

S. Arthur Yegge
Philosopher

posted by The Doctor | 10:22 PM

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