Mashy Niblicks: Drug Testing for Tour Members?

Mashy Niblicks

When I started this blog, it contained the sum total of all the knowledge of mankind. Unfortunately, each time I add a posting, a small amount is subtracted from that sum. Oh well. Can't be helped. What-uh-ya-gonna-do? The Doctor... By the way, the following are the conventional definitions of Mash-y Nib-lick: 1) light kisses on the neck from an unwanted suitor; 2) strained peas.

About Me

Name: The Doctor

Location: Shingle Springs, CA, United States

The title "Doctor" was conferred upon me by associates who understand that I have at least some knowledge about… well… everything. My knowledge isn’t as deep though, as it is wide. I don’t know a lot about anything in particular. In fact, you could make the case that I know almost nothing about just about everything! And, I’m willing to talk about it. To anyone. Whether they’re interested or not. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it. I can write about philosophy because I’m a Philosopher. After considerable research, I discovered that in order to be a philosopher, one only has to place the word “Philosopher” after one’s name. That’s it. Voila, you are a bona fide philosopher. Who’s going to argue? Philosophers don’t have some magic wand or secret handshake. They just call themselves philosophers. So, should you wish to know a little – about anything – just say the word. I’ll Google that word and be able to discuss it with you ad nauseam. S. Arthur Yegge, Philosopher syegge@gmail.com

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Drug Testing for Tour Members?

I know this blog is supposed to be about golf exclusively. But, have you seen Venus Williams recently? Good Lord! She’s starting to look like a German shot-putter. She could pass for Sammy Sosa’s big sister! I’ve been expecting her to sign with Harley Davidson for a sponsorship, or become the spokesperson for Barbasol Shaving Cream. She’s got more muscles than all the Davis Loves combined!

But be that as it may, there are also some guys on the tour that the PGA may want to have a whack at as well. Some of those guys need to take the double-blind Dixie cup test, if you know what I mean. And, I think you know who I’m talking about, too.

Tiger has obviously been hitting the Romilar cough syrup too heavy if he thinks we’ll believe he drives a Buick minivan. Give me a break. I’ve seen a Buick minivan and it ticks me off just looking at one. You want to pull a General Patton and just slap the person driving it. “Pull yourself together and get a life, man!”

Tiger makes about a grillion dollars a year and there’s just no way he would be caught dead in one. During negotiations with Buick, he is rumored to have said, “Okay. But, you’ll have to run a crawler at the bottom of the screen that says I’ve never actually seen one of those things.”

Remember when Arnold Palmer was humping Pennzoil while riding around on his dad’s tractor? What was up with that!? “I’m a legendary golfer. My dad has a tractor. So, buy some oil.” (?) I think the native sons down there in Palm Springs slipped him the peace pipe before that one. What are these guys thinking?

I’ve found that what passes for marketing is just getting absurd. We sit in front of the tube, drooling and half asleep, when some golfer comes on and says, “I can hit the ball 600 yards. My friend’s dog has worms. Buy some Blue Ribbon De-Wormer and maybe you’ll be able to hit the ball 600 yards too.” (Whack!)

I just don’t get it. I ate Blue Ribbon De-Worming pills for six weeks and never cleared the 200 yard marker. However, I can catch a Frisbee in my mouth now. Can you?

Lemme no.

S. Arthur Yegge
Philosopher

4 Comments:

Anonymous said...: Now are you sure it was Venus Williams and not Serena? Last I saw, she was the one who would be able to shot put all of us combined! Other than that, I felt it my obligation to leave a comment, be it constructive or not. I went for the not.; 5:06 PM
Anonymous said...: Now are you sure it was Venus Williams and not Serena? Last I saw, she was the one who would be able to shot put all of us combined! Other than that, I felt it my obligation to leave a comment, be it constructive or not. I went for the not.; 5:06 PM
Anonymous said...: Now are you sure it was Venus Williams and not Serena? Last I saw, she was the one who would be able to shot put all of us combined! Other than that, I felt it my obligation to leave a comment, be it constructive or not. I went for the not.; 5:07 PM
Anonymous said...: Venus - Serena!!! EEEE Gads, they're all the same - TWINS!
Now, remembering King Arnold is always a good thing but does anybody remember the real greats huh?
Like MADGE! With those "soft smooth" hands by Palmolive? I bet she could hit a ball straight down the fairway and get out the ball -washer within the blink of an eye anyday!
And Mr Clean, now there is a guy who can really drive a clean shot home!

Love your BLOGS Doc-ta!
Loretta (retired playboy bunny and showgirl); 12:09 AM