Golf Jargon...

It has come to my attention that the wealth of information contained in this vast compilation of knowledge on my blogsite is being read, on a regular basis, by neophytes. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

Having learned this fact, I believe it is only fair to the non-golfers, greenhorns, beginners, novices, amateurs, tenderfoots (feet?), trainees, learners, apprentices, pupils and other students of the game, that I provide a lexicon of the phraseology used in the masterful game of golf, along with the more common usages and definitions of such. Capice?

Therefore, from time-to-time, I will include a brief list of words and phrases common to the game as an addendum to my anecdotes, tales, yarns and other lies. Over time, this should bring the ‘newbies’ up to, and on par with the ‘regulars’, vis a vis golf terminology. In fact, to hurry the process along, let us begin now with the following:

Caddie – A caddie is a small round receptacle in the golf cart for storage of your beer cup without risk of spillage. It is sometimes used for holding keys or eyeglasses, however, it should be noted that this practice is considered to be in bad taste amongst the golf illiterati. It is de rigueur in the golf cart to use the caddie for one’s libation only.

Clubhouse – The clubhouse is the facility near the first tee where one procures the aforementioned beer cup.

Green – ‘Green’ is the term used for the vast sums of money required by one S. Arthur Yegge to payoff bets after the game at the clubhouse.

Iron – A metal golf club not made of iron. Go figure.

Lie – The excuse provided by the ‘Liar’ to the ‘Lie-ee’ for his Mulligan (see 'Mulligan' below).

Mulligan – A Mulligan is cheating. It’s actually an informal method of cheating among would-be friends during non-tournament play. It’s a do-over, so to speak. Common usage: “I’m gonna take a Mulligan on that one,” after he loses his ball in a water hazard. Named after Francois Mulligan, a man of… shall we say “ambiguous” ancestry who was beaten to death on the 16th hole at Augusta with a ham shank that was being eaten at the time by Ben Hogan – which brings us to our next word…

Shank – Common usage, “I shanked one on that last hole.” Translation, “I stabbed that guy who was taking too many Mulligans.”

Wedge – The game of golf requires a great deal of bending over at the waist, whereupon one’s underwear tend to ride up: hence, a ‘wedge’. Note: The younger generation has co-opted the term and modified it slightly to ‘wedgie’.

Sand Wedge – You don’t want to know.

Woods – Metal golf clubs. Go figure.

If there are any specific golf expressions or terminology you wish to have explained, go to Borders.


S. Arthur Yegge
Philosopher